Dear Diary
by Errol's Feather
Summary: A story build up on diary notes from Calleigh and Stella about diffrent moments in their lives from they are teenagers and up. And a random fact that leads to them become something more along the way.
1. Chapter 1

**_Authors Note: _**Origianally I was gonna post it up as one whole storie, but found out last minut it was best to split it to three chapters.

**DISCALIMER:** I don't own CSI Miami or CSI: NY and i don't make any money from it

_**Dear Diary.**_

"_Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry for all the tears. Dear Heart, sorry for all the damage. Dear Brain, you were right,"_ fifteen year old Calleigh wrote in her diary, as the tears dripped down on the paper.

She slowly closed the diary and put it aside, before turning off the light and going to bed. She reached for a well-used old stuffed dog under the sheet, and hold onto him hardly as she continued to cry. Her father had given it to her when she was just a little girl, but she still used it every now and again. For comfort. Like now, when she had her heart broken until what felt like a million pieces.

* * *

"_Dear Diary, I hate it here, I really do. Another "home" to fit into, new "family" and "friends", will I ever fit in anywhere? Will anyone ever want me? I don't want to be alone, hurts,"_ fourteen year old Stella wrote, as silent tears fell down on the paper. She was in the third foster home this year. How many it was altogether she didn't know. Not to mention she didn't care, she just wanted to fit in, to be liked, to be wanted like any other girl her age.

She closed the diary and slowly turned on the light, curling up on the window post, looking out, crying sadly, and holding on to a teddy bear. She had it for as long as she could remember, she was told her mother once gave it to her. She loved that bear as it was the one thing in her life that gave her safety. She looked out, hoping they one day would come back for her or that she would get a family that loved her. Still crying, holding onto that ragged bear she slowly fell asleep.

* * *

"_Dear Diary. I can't believe we finally did it, I graduated. YAY. I'm just so happy and life is just so wonderful. Me and Jake, we're moving together and it will all be just perfect, we're gonna work together side by side down on the station. Gotto go as I'm late for our graduation party," _Calleigh quickly noted down in her diary. Happy tears were running down her cheeks as she put it down in the drawer of her bedroom.

She was so happy that she could jump around skipping and shouting. Only right then she didn't have the time, she had to get ready as Jake was picking her up in twenty minutes and she was late. She had to work extra at the station after the ceremony; after all she did need the money. Then she had to pick up some food before she was changing and running out again. ¨

She put her uniform back in the closet and changed into a pair of jeans and a blue T-shirt and put up her hair. She cast a last look in the mirror at picture of her and Jake hanging there before leaving. Her Jake. Oh how she loved him. She just wanted to be with him all the time, maybe that was why she hurried out to see him whenever she could afford doing so. He was after all the man she planned to marry. It was with him she wanted a future and now they could finally start with it for real.

"I love you," she whispered as she smiled at the picture one last time. With that she was gone.

* * *

_Dear Diary. I'm so excited, I'm gonna have my first official day police training, real work today after finally graduating from the academy yesterday. YAY. I can hardly wait to start, but not starting for another hour. Just up early, cause I couldn't sleep. And you know Mickey from class is gonna work there too. I really like him, wonder if he noticed me… We would be a handsome couple if… Gotto go doorbell, Chinese is here. Stell. _

She closed the book in a very loving way before she went to open. After quickly paying she flopped down on the living room couch and opened one of the little boxes. She turned on the TV, but there was nothing interesting on, so she turned it off and got her laptop on instead.

She of course knew she should move out of all the boxes she had around everywhere, but she never felt like it. After all she had only been there for a week and the last weeks had been about finals and the graduation party the night before. She hadn't been in before 3 AM. Luckily she hadn't been drinking too much, but enough for her Chinese craving to kick in.

She smiled looking over at a picture giving to her by Professor Papakota, it was a very nice gift, unfortunate for her she had nowhere to hang it yet. It would have to wait until she got something bigger and better or an office. That would have been nice she though as she turned on her laptop to get ready. Couldn't hurt to be early to make a good impression.

* * *

_Dear Diary. You will never guess where I am. Well maybe as I thought you about that Horatio that came to see me some days ago. Well I'm in Miami, it's so sunny here, OH MY GOSH, I totally love it. Either way I'm going to start working for that Horatio, he seems pretty I dunno dull and serious, yet there is something about him. He's too old though. There is this other guy Eric, he's out to get education, but he's kinda not my type. Gosh I miss Jake so much, I can't believe he wanted to go undercover and…. I just…IT'S NOT FAIR! How could he just do that, I though he loved me. Why do they always do that? Hurt me. I just don't get it. I really don't. It's a good thing I am starting here in less than an hour so I won't have to think of him again. Wonder how they are here. At least Horatio seems nice, but I can be wrong, I really hope I am not though. I couldn't bear if he hurt me. I better go as I have to get ready for work. Hope I don't mess up. Your Bulletgirl._

Calleigh smiled happily as she walked into the crime lab. Her gun in her holster and her ID-car on her pants, she felt like she could do anything. She could take down anyone. She could…

That actually didn't go to well as by the end of that though she ended up tripping over something and fell to the floor with everyone watching. She could hear giggles all around. As she got up and dusted of her pants she let out a huff thinking, "Great, just great."

"Are you OK?" she heard Horatio's voice ask rather concerned behind her.

"Yes, just my pride that took a fall," she answered, as she flashed him a smile.

"That can happen to the best of us, so did anyone show you around yet?" he asked.

"No, not yet, but as I got it firearms is downstairs," she said, knowing that would be hers.

"It is, but I can give you a quick walk through first," he offered.

"Are you sure, I wouldn't be at any trouble," she said honest, thinking he had to have better things to do.

"No, I got some time, so if you just follow me Miss Duquesne," he said, making a gesture for her to follow him. She smiled again, but quickly followed. In a way she had no choice as he was her boss, and she didn't really mind either. After all this way she would meet her coworkers and learn about the place faster. Not to mention finding out where the coffee machine was, if there was any.

* * *

_Dear Diary. I just arrived at my new work place. The NYPD Crime Lab. You would never believe this place. It looks so new and shiny and the people here seem nice as well. At least the ones I've meet this far. I will be sharing office with Mac Taylor. He's my boss and supervisor. I've only heard good things about him and he seems really nice. The sad thing is that he recently lost his wife due to the 9/11. He still carries the ring though, which I can completely understand. I would have done the same if I was married, not that I think that will ever happen, I have only back luck in love…If I at all believe in love. I do hope to find it someday, but….Talk to you later. Stell._

Stella sighed as she put her diary down in the drawer of her new desk and opened her laptop and typed in the password, "Tulips," to get into her system. She smiled seeing the picture of the NYPD police shield.

She was just about to get into the case file she was handed when she arrived one day earlier, when she heard a knock on the door and someone ask, "Is Mac here?"

"No, I haven't seen him yet, but I'm sure she'll be here soon, Sheldon right?" Stella answered, looking at the Afro-American man.

"Yes, Sheldon Hawkes, you're the new girl, which case did he start you on?" he asked, looking at her with curious eyes.

"Shooting at a store, young boy," she said holding up the file so he could see.

"Should be easy, well if you see Mac, send him down to autopsy," said Sheldon and left her.

Mac arrived not a moment sooner and greeted her good morning; she smiled and returned the greeting before telling him about Hawkes. He nodded and said, "So have you started on the case yet."

"I have and Hawkes is right, it does seem easy," said Stella, thinking that it was just about the store owner shooting the burglar.

"Don't be so quick to judge, things aren't always like they seem, follow the evidence and see where it leads you," he said and gave her a wink and a smile before going to find Sheldon.

Stella chewed on his words before taking another look at the autopsy report which, but as something didn't seem right, she went to find Hawkes as well.

* * *

_Dear Diary. OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH. You'll never believe what has happened. I almost drowned and Jake is back, not only that, but I slept with him. I can't believe that I couldn't control myself better, but I couldn't help myself, we had sex in the parking house at work How could I be so stupid? I don't want to get into it with him again, only to find it can't last and then it's Horatio. My wonderful Horatio. We have a good thing going here and ohh I don't want to mess it up. I gotto tell Jake off, I just have to. It's all so messed up. I don't know what to do. And I am so frustrated. Gotto go Natalia is calling, we are going out to the crime scene. Your Bulletgirl._

Calleigh quickly put the diary into her closet and shut it close before running to Natalia that was watching outside the changing room.

"Sorry, just needed to…fix a thing," Calleigh excused yourself.

"Quickie with Jake?" Natalia wondered, raising her brows at the younger blonde.

"How…how did you know about that?" asked Calleigh shocked.

"Didn't until just now, so you two are having something going on?" asked Natalia.

"No…no…no, we used to back in the days, but not now," Calleigh said.

"You're not even tempted?" Natalia asked, not quite believing it was that easy not doing anything, considering he was her ex and he was good looking.

"No not really, you can have him if you want," said Calleigh, shrugging thinking, "Where did that come from."

"Don't mind if I do, you're driving," said Natalia and threw over the keys.

"OK, but you are driving back," said Calleigh and smiled at her, thinking that maybe her suggestion wouldn't be for the worse so that she could focus on her job and Horatio.

* * *

_Dear Diary. You will not believe what has happened here recently. I mean first that mess with that bastard, sorry for saying, Shane Casey. He really gives me the creeps. Hopefully we'll catch him again really soon as I hate to worry about what he can do on the loose. That is however not all that has happened. You know Lindsay, the new girl on the team, she has been a bit closed out lately, so I asked her about it. At first she didn't want to tell, but earlier today she opened up and told me that she had been witness to all her friends being killed and now she has to testify. I feel horrible about the whole affair, so as her friend I said if she needed anything, let me know. You know diary even though the people here are my family in every way, there is still something missing to me. I would still like someone to love and that loves me back, that doesn't end badly in any way. Do you think that is too much to ask? Your Stell._

A silent tear fell down on her desk as she closed the book, making Mac that sat on the desk next to her ask, "Stella, is everything all right?"

"It's fine, I mean I'm fine, it's nothing to worry about, I promise," she said and looked at him, putting the diary in her desk drawer.

Mac had of course over the years seen her write in that book or others similar to it more than once. He had never commented on it though as he figured that was not in his place, now on the other hand he asked, "You are happy here right?"

"I am, this is the best workplace a woman could ever ask for, I love and respect everyone here and consider you my family…" she said, but there was doubt in her answer.

He noticed it too and asked, "But something is missing isn't it?"

"Yes, I just want someone to love, I mean you had it with Clair at least and I would want to experience that too," said Stella honest.

"I can understand that and of all the people I know I cannot think of anyone that deserves it more. Believe me when I say that you will find it," he said and smiled warmly at her.

"I know, I just wish it was now," she said with a sigh as she got up and headed out of the office, while he smiled at her thinking, "Be patient Stella, be patient."

* * *

_Dear Diary. I am finally in New York and everything here is so HUGE. I now I've seen pictures and Horatio have told me a dozen tales, but I didn't think it would be at this scale. It's so different from Miami in all ways, as the colors are much more dull, at least if you don't look into the dozen shops. Not that I will be doing much of that as let's face it I'm here to work. I was going to meet this Stella woman, Mac's right hand at this corner right about oh crap NOW. Talk later. Your Bulletgirl. _

Calleigh put her diary down in her purse and looked around for someone that could look like her, but it wasn't all that easy through the sea of people. She startled when she heard someone say, "You're Calleigh right?"

Calleigh turned to see a tanned woman, with curly hair, and shades that kept it away from her face. She was wearing blue jeans, black boots, a flowery shirt and a white jacket. Around her neck was a necklace with a pendant shaped like a star.

"Yeah, Stella Bonasera?" Calleigh questioned, a bit insecure.

"Yes, but you can call me Stella or Stell if you like. So do you want something to eat or drink or go right to the lab?" she said, looking at the petite blonde wearing a white suit and a peach top. Also her hair was held back with her shades.

"I could go for a coffee on the way if we have time," said Calleigh and smiled thankfully at her.

"That we do, come along, do you need help with that bag?" said Stella referring to her suitcase.

"No, but I do need a hotel later," Calleigh said.

"Why don't you just stay with me while you are here, I do have a spare couch," said Stella.

"Are you sure that isn't a bother?" Calleigh asked.

"No, not at all," said Stella as she held the door open at the nearest coffee shop.

"Ahhh coffee," Calleigh exclaimed excited, making Stella giggle before they got in the busy line that lead to the counter.

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Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Diary. I heard stories about this Calleigh from Mac, and I have to say that she's a lot more fun that he said. At least of case. On case she's all in. So focused and just so good. In fact I don't think I have ever met anyone like her. She's just so vibrant, her energy it can light up a room. At the moment she's sleeping on my couch. She was exhausted from the journey here and the day, we're gonna order in and watch TV when she wakes up. Can't stay up too long though, we have work tomorrow as well. A lot to do before this case is closed. Which is why she's needed. She's after all the best. I dunno why, but I cannot stop watching her. She seemed a bit sad before she fell asleep though. Her boyfriend ended it before she came here, who would end anything with a woman like her? I actually think I could watch her for hours, dunno why. Tell you more later as I need a drink. Your Stell. _

_Dear Diary. Oh My Gosh. You can never guess how much fun we had last night. I don't thing I have laughed that much in ages. Stella is just tons of fun. And the stories she told about cases about her, oh wow. She's just amazing. The way she was back at the lab yesterday, showing me around, talking to the guys, which I adore btw. Oh and the children of Danny and Lindsay so cute. Well not as cute as the star sleeping in the next room, she shines so perfectly and when she talks… And her laughter… And did you know she can speak Greek… And she comforted me so when I cried over stupid Eric last night. Later after work we are going shopping YAY. I could use something new and she knows all the best stores I'm sure. Should I wake her or let her sleep, I mean I am worried we'll be late, but at the same time she could use the sleep as we was up talking until very early. I wonder what her room looks like; maybe I can sneak a peek while she's still asleep. Oh and I have to make her breakfast and all. Talk later. Your Bulletgirl._

_Dear Diary. You will simply not believe what Calleigh did this morning, she's just so wonderful. She made me breakfast in bed with eggs and fruit and ham and tea and mild and ohhh never had someone do that before. And then she went in the shower while I ate, did you know she have a gun tattooed on her hip. Yes I know I shouldn't know this, but it's kind of sexy. Or at least I think so. After we took the subway and elevator to work, and came out all giggly, making everyone look at us. Mac just shook his head; he didn't even say anything to that we looked tired. Then it was back to work regular eight hours, much more fun though. And we were all dancing in the lab. And now that the work day is over we are going shopping. I'm gonna teach her where they have the best clothes. And she will look amazing in them. Your Stella. _

_Dear Diary. Something very weird happened. We were out trying on clothes and all. Stella have the best taste in clothes, she really finds what suits me all the way. But then I let her see some of the underwear I was trying on and she make a remark about my gun and let a hand stroke over it. I got completely flushed and she went back out, looking guilty. I didn't mean for her to feel that way. Just don't used to anyone I don't see is touching it. Not that it felt bad, or anything. Does she like me in any other way than a friend or am I overreacting? I never felt like this before. She confusing me so much and aaaaargh. I need air. Talk to you later. Your Bulletgirl._

_Dear Diary. It's all fucked up. Or rather I fucked up. Very high school I know. What happened was we were out trying on clothes and I found some underwear I though she should try and she let me have a look at her. And it did, it really did, she was just so beautiful and sexy and that gun, it's so amazing. I couldn't help but telling her and touch. I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't resist. And of course she backed away and blushed and I got out of the dressing room. And the next thing I know she's gone. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I did that at all. And I didn't want her to leave like that either. I just hopes she comes back, she does after all need sleep before work tomorrow. I hope she isn't too upset with me. I just couldn't stand it. Your Stell._

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Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


	3. Chapter 3

It was midnight before Stella heard her doorbell rang and opened up so Calleigh could get inside. As she stood looking out in the hallway she tried to think of what to say.

The two women looked awkward at each other for a second before Calleigh came inside and sat down on the couch.

"Listen Calleigh, I'm sorry I shouldn't have," said Stella, standing next to the couch to give the blonde some space.

"It's OK, I overreacted I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it," she said looking up at the younger woman.

"Yeah," said Stella, there was a sense of doubt in her voice.

"Let's just forget about and have fun like yesterday OK?" Calleigh requested, looking at her.

"OK, so what do you want to do, movies, TV, go out, maybe meet a new, hot guy?" Stella said, wiggling her brows.

"Oh, no, no, no, no new guy, they always mess up things. I however must admit that I am a bit tired and it is over midnight so how about a bottle of wine and relaxing in front of the TV?" Calleigh said with a little yawn.

"If you choose the channel, I will be right back with the wine," said Stella with a giggle.

Calleigh settled a little better on the couch as she heard Stella yell, "Red or white."

"White please, do you like sappy soap?" Calleigh yelled back.

"Absolutely love it, glass or bottle?" Stella said, head into the living room.

"Glass," said Calleigh, smiling at her.

"Two glasses and a bottle of wine coming right up," she heard Stella say, followed by a cheerful giggle. That to Calleigh, even though it was over midnight meant they had another great night in front of them.

It was early morning when Stella woke up, only to notice she was not alone in her bed. Next to her lay Calleigh. She lifted the sheets to fine she was wearing panties, but nothing more, and right over her left breast was a hickey.

"So we did really…" Stella thought with a sigh, trying to remember the details of the night before. She remembered that too much wine had led to kissing, that in the end had ended up in bed.

"Calleigh," she whispered to wake the sleeping beauty next to her.

Calleigh slowly opened her eyes and looked at the half naked woman next to her. She gasped, before lifting the sheets and gasping again. Panic was shining in her emerald eyes.

She looked around the room for her belongings and was about to get up, when Stella put a and on her arm and whispered, "Easy Bulletgirl, easy."

"But we…we…we…" Calleigh was unable to finish the sentence as she pulled up the sheet to cover herself.

"We had sex, yes I know, but were it really that back," said Stella and let a hand caress Calleigh's cheek.

Calleigh let her head lean against her hand answering, "No it was not, it was not bad at all, it's just his is new to me."

"It is to me too, so what do you want to do, run or stay?" Stella challenged her with a half-smile.

Calleigh looked at Stella, then the door, then at Stella before saying, "I want to stay here with you."

"Good Bulletgirl, now come here, we can afford to be a little late," said Stella and opened her arms so Calleigh could crawl into them.

* * *

_Dear Diary. I can't believe the case is already closed and I have to leave my star behind. I'm now sitting at the plane watching as New York city is fading away as tears are running down my cheek. I don't want to leave her, I really hate this. I never experienced anything as great as the one and a half week I had with her. I have never been so happy before, never. I really wished that I could stay so that it could continued. It is at least a small comfort that she will come over in a couple of weeks. I love her. I love her. I love. Oh why does it have to hurt so badly. I just want to be with her right now. I love her. I love her. I love her. Your Bulletgirl._

_Dear Diary. I can't believe my darling bulletgirl is already gone. I stand her looking after her plane with wet eyes. Wishing she could stay with me forever. Wishing that she never had to go, even if I understand why she had to do just that. The last time with her has been so amazing and I have loved every moment of it. She brings so much joy to my life. I have never laughed so much. And I love watching her sleep, she's just so beautiful. I can hardly wait to see her again in two short weeks. She promised to show me everything as I always wanted to see Miami. I already know that I love her with all my heart, even after this short time. I better go back to work, maybe that way she can escape my mind for a short time so it won't hurt so badly that she is not her. I love her as I have never loved anyone before her. God I love her so much. Your Stell. _

* * *

_Dear Diary. Today is our ten years anniversary and tonight we are going out as Natalia has agreed to babysit for out little Ileana, she's turning three now and looks just like her mother. I can hardly wait to tell her that we'll soon be expecting another, not Greek, but still, I'll hope she'll be as excited as I am. Right now she's playing hide and seek with our little one, it's so cute. I love them both with all my heard. And my dear Star is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so glad she decided to move here five years back so that we could be together, with that said, I would have done the same. That is how much I love her. We are going back to new your next week to get some private time, it's again needed and Ileana is overjoyed by seeing her uncle Mac. She's yet too young to get he's her father and also the one of the one I am having inside me, I found it best that way. I know she will agree._

_I love her and always will keep on doing so to the day I die. Which by the way won't be for long yet. Your Bulletgirl._

As Calleigh put the diary aside she heard Ileana yell, "Mommy, play with us."

"Yes sweetheart, play with us," Stella said with a happy giggle, looking at her wife.

Calleigh got up and ran after the two, making the little girl whine with joy, before Stella held her back. Calleigh turned to look at her with worried eyes, "There isn't anything wrong is it?"

"No sweetheart, I just wanted to wish you happy anniversary," said Stella and pulled Calleigh in for a long deep kiss as their little girl wrinkled her tiny nose at them.

Both women broke free and giggled, still holding each other close. They were still happily in love with each other after all these years. As it turned out Stella had found what was missing and Calleigh had ended up not being hurt by love again. And together with little Ileana and another on the way, they had formed the family they always wanted. Life was good and it would continue to be that way even with some minor problems along the way. But as any other couple they dealt with it as best as they could and moved on. After all in the end that is all they could do.

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Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


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